Feeling guilty about buying something for yourself usually isn’t about the price. Mine wasn’t. I financed a third car for a two person household. It felt indulgent and unnecessary, and I haven’t regretted it. The change came from having a vehicle of my own and no longer arranging my week around one I was scared to drive.
Why does buying something for yourself feel selfish?
We had two vehicles for two people, a car and a truck, and both of them felt like my husband’s. He uses the car for work. He tows the boat with the truck, so the truck stays. Which left me the truck for my running around, every errand and grocery run and trip across town.
I’m small and the truck is huge, so I had constant anxiety driving it. I had no confidence getting around, and just constant worry. I’d want to know the parking situation before going anywhere, every single time.
I’m also in perimenopause, and from what I’ve read, driving anxiety can come along with it. I don’t know how much of mine was the truck and how much was that.
The part I had backwards
Buying a third car felt indulgent and unnecessary. On a whim, we did it anyway, and I financed a car for myself. Two people, three vehicles, and one of them bought because I didn’t like driving the one I already had. Eeeeek.
I kept running the payment in my head. I’d also spent years planning trips around where I’d have to park, and I’d never put a number on that at all. When you’ve worked around the same friction long enough, it stops registering as friction.
What actually changed after I bought it?
It’s mine. I can do what I want with it. I can drive around with donations to drop off in my trunk for three months if I want to.
That’s the part I didn’t see coming. Nobody else has a claim on it. Some of the best things I’ve ended up loving are things I’d never have picked out for myself, which I’ve written about with prizes I’d never have bought. This one I chose on purpose, which made it feel different from a good thing showing up in the mail.
I feel good in it. I zip around all over and I don’t worry so much about parking. Some of the worry is still there. I now go a lot more places with a lot less anxiety, which is huge for me.
I saw something once about how you shouldn’t feel bad about buying something that changes your vibe. I don’t know who said it or where I read it. It fit, and I still have a car payment I’ll be making for a while, but I do feel a lot better about myself while cruising around in it.
What this doesn’t mean
I’m not telling you to go finance a car. A payment shows up every month whether the good feeling holds or not, and I’d rather say that out loud than pretend the math went somewhere.
The useful part is smaller and free. It’s noticing when the thing you keep not doing has a cause you’ve stopped looking at. For me it was where I’d have to park once I got there.
Today’s action
- Write down one place you didn’t go in the last month.
- Write the real reason you didn’t go, not the polite one.
- Ask whether the reason was the cost or the hassle. If it was the hassle, name the smallest version of a fix.
Frequently asked questions
Why do I feel guilty buying something for myself?
Guilt shows up when a purchase is for comfort rather than function, because comfort is harder to justify to yourself. Naming the specific problem the thing solves helps. Mine solved something I’d had for years, and I still felt indulgent buying it.
How do I tell the difference between a want and a workaround?
A workaround is something you’ve built your routine around avoiding. If you plan trips, days, or errands to dodge one particular friction, that’s a workaround, and it’s been charging you the whole time in ways no bank statement shows.
Is it selfish to spend money on something only I use?
No. Something only you use can still change what your entire week looks like, so ask what it changes rather than who it belongs to.
What if I can’t afford the thing that would fix it?
Name it accurately first. A problem you’ve named is one you can watch for cheaper fixes to, ask for help with, or save toward on purpose, and naming it costs nothing at all.
Does the guilt go away after you buy it?
Not all at once. Mine faded as the difference showed up in ordinary weeks, in how many places I went and how little I thought about parking beforehand.
Where to start
Feeling guilty about buying something for yourself is common, and the guilt tends to attach itself to the price while the real cost has been sitting somewhere else for years. You don’t have to buy anything today to go look at that. Write down the place you didn’t go, and why. That takes about 2 minutes and costs nothing.
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