How to rest without guilt, for me, starts with admitting the spinning isn’t work. When stress has me spiraling, pushing to be productive only burns more energy and gets nothing done. So I step away for a walk, a Pilates class, an audiobook or a show, I tell myself rest is productive, and most of the time I come back feeling better. I’m still learning this one.
What does spiraling feel like for me?
My head starts spinning, I feel short of breath, and my thoughts run in circles. For me it’s money stress and overwhelm that set it off.
I think of it as survival mode, because that’s how it feels in my body. I can’t plant anything from there, and I still try.
Why do I keep trying to be productive when I’m spiraling?
This is the bigger problem. When I’m in that state, I still try to be productive, and it makes everything worse.
I end up spinning around, not doing anything, and wasting more energy while I do it. So I lose the hour and I’m more tired afterward than if I’d stopped.
The guilt is what keeps me there. It gnaws at me that I haven’t been productive enough, so stopping feels like giving up on the day, even though spinning gets less done than walking away would.
How do I know it’s time to step away?
I notice how I’m feeling. I just don’t act on it right away. I fight it, and it still takes me a while to accept that I need a break.
Usually it’s my husband who says it first: “You need to go lie down.” He sees it before I’ll admit it.
So I do notice. Accepting it takes longer, and some days I need someone else to say it out loud before I listen.
What do I do when I finally step away?
These are the things I reach for:
- A walk.
- Pilates.
- An audiobook.
- A show.
- A nap. I try, and my body never lets me. I lie there with my eyes closed and nothing happens.
None of these are fancy, and I don’t need them to be. What matters is that I pick one and stop trying to work. The nap thing won’t surprise anyone who read my body doubling post, where I admit there’s no version of me lying on the couch while my husband does yard work.
| When I’m spiraling, I… | What it costs me | What I’m learning to do |
|---|---|---|
| Keep trying to be productive | More energy gone, nothing done | Step away and pick one thing that resets me |
| Notice the feeling and fight it | A long stretch of spinning first | Listen sooner, or listen when my husband says it |
| Feel guilty I haven’t done enough | The guilt keeps me going in circles | Tell myself rest is productive |
Does stepping away always help?
Most of the time, it’s a nice mental reset, and I come back feeling better.
Occasionally it causes more overwhelm, because everything is still waiting for me when I get back. I’m not going to pretend that never happens. It’s the exception, though, and most of the time the break helps.
How do I rest without feeling guilty?
I try to tell myself rest is productive. I don’t fully believe it every time, and I say it anyway.
The seed idea helps me here. You can’t plant well while you’re spinning, and stepping away gets you steady enough to plant. In How to Be Consistent When You’re Tired I wrote that resting is a decision with a return date, and that’s the version I’m working toward: rest on purpose, with a plan to come back, instead of spinning with guilt.
If the spiral starts with bracing for bad news when things are going fine, How to Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop covers that side of it.
Today’s action
Write your step-away list before you need it
- Write down the signs that tell you you’re spiraling. Mine are a spinning head and feeling short of breath.
- List three things that reset you, from your real life. Mine are a walk, Pilates and an audiobook.
- Put the list somewhere you’ll see it, or tell the person who usually notices first.
- Next time the signs show up, pick one thing from the list and do it before you try to work through it.
- When you come back, start with one small task, not the whole list.
Free printableMy Step-Away ListOne page with room for your spiral signs, your three resets, who notices first, and the one small task you’ll come back to. Fill it in on a calm day.Download the list
Frequently asked questions
How do I rest without feeling guilty?
I remind myself that rest is productive and step away before the guilt talks me into staying. The guilt doesn’t leave first. I rest anyway, and most of the time I come back feeling better.
Is rest productive?
For me it is, because spinning isn’t. When I’m spiraling, trying to work gets nothing done and uses up more energy, and stepping away is what gets me back to doing something.
Why can’t I relax when I’m stressed?
I can’t tell you why it happens for everyone. For me, money stress and overwhelm make my head spin and my breath short, and stopping feels like I haven’t done enough. So I fight the break even when I know I need it.
What should I do when I’m too overwhelmed to work?
Stop trying to work for a bit and do one thing that resets you, like a walk or a show, then come back to one small task. If you have trouble noticing when you’ve hit that point, let someone close to you say it out loud. My husband usually does.
Why can’t I nap when I’m exhausted?
I don’t know the reason, and I’m not a doctor. I can only tell you my body never lets me nap when I’m stressed. The walk, Pilates, an audiobook or a show all work better for me than trying to force sleep.
Where I am with this
Resting without guilt means stepping away when you notice the spiral, picking one thing that resets you, and coming back to one small task. I still fight it, and sometimes I still need my husband to tell me to go lie down. Write your step-away list today, so it’s there the next time your head starts spinning.
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